Sex and money

“A relationship is like a bank. When you have deposited money, you can make a withdrawal. If you don’t have money, your check will bounce.”
–Pastor Albert Ocran

Have you ever felt lonely? Which of your memories is the happiest one? Were you alone or with someone in that best moment of your life?

While working on my previous article about discrimination against women, I stumbled upon another big problem of modern society — loneliness. It has become especially acute in the age of social networks. Instagram residents use Photoshop to try their best to seem perfect — perfect bodies, perfect clothes, perfect locations and perfect relationships. Even though all of us understand that it is just an illusion, the constant flow of pictures of an ideal world that haunts us everywhere makes us believe that it is a reality. A perfect somebody else’s reality, which we will never achieve ourselves.

What does this lead to?

A large number of single women cannot find a partner, because they believe that a man must look like Channing Tatum from the movie “Super Mike”, earn like Jeff Bezos, give his lady a bouquet of 100 scarlet roses every day, and spend all his time with her on Bora Bora, Maldives or Seychelles.

Men cannot find a match, as they expect their women to look like the heroines of the movie “Burlesque”, to make as much money as Angelina Jolie, to have the talents of Sasha Grey, to cook like Gordon James Ramsay. At the same time women are assumed always to be in a good mood, never to argue with a husband, to clean the house as good as a cleaning company and raise children in the best traditions of the British royal court.

Sounds unrealistic. Right? However, the world we see on Instagram makes both — men and women lose their common sense and start looking for people who can meet all the parameters listed above. No wonder they end up alone and depressed since they were looking for something non-existent. Also, both — men and women do not understand that certain qualities simply cannot be combined in one person. To give you an example, modern men still want to be leaders in the family and make decisions, but at the same time, they think that a woman should provide for herself. However, when such a woman comes across a career opportunity in another country or city, which entails a break in relations due to the move, men begin to accuse her of betrayal. They complain about those women ruining the plans for their future together. Yet, what should she have done? She never had a HUSBAND (a man who should protect and support her financially, physically, emotionally and sexually). She could only rely on herself all the time. Obviously, she chose a career, because it was her only source of security. Speaking about women, they are looking for an alpha male, a brutal guy, expecting that they will be able to tame him. As a result, they end up in a hospital ward with beatings. In no way do I excuse physical violence against women, but ladies should understand that giving a man orders, especially in an aggressive or threatening manner is not a good idea.

Another factor of a growing number of single people, or rather divorced ones, is money. The family budget will kill the romance sooner or later. Why is that? Let’s take a closer look.

Some men unreasonably believe that the family budget should consist of the income of both: a husband and a wife. They, however, seem to forget about one little thing — pregnancy and childbirth. Let’s look at an example. Imagine a family, where both — the wife and the husband earn 1000 USD each and share family expenses. Out of a total income of 2,000 USD, they manage to rent a two-bedroom apartment for 700 USD and buy 500 USD worth of groceries. 200 USD is spent on transportation, 100 USD on clothing, 100 USD on unexpected purchases like fixing the kitchen faucet. 100 USD goes for emergencies like a visit to the dentist, 100 USD for dates like going to a cafe or restaurant, and the remaining 200 USD is set aside for annual vacation. Suddenly, the wife gets pregnant. It is fine if she can keep on working remotely and feels good enough to do that during her pregnancy. However, the situation may turn out to be less rosy if she has to stay in bed to avoid miscarriage or take care of a sick child after his birth. What to do in this situation? In that case, the family budget will fully depend on the father’s income only. We do remember though, that just the basic expenses, which cannot be reduced in any way, are 400 USD more than their new monthly income. However, if the family budget had not depended on the wife’s income, then the birth of the child would not have affected the well-being of this union of 2 people. This does not mean at all that a woman has no right to work and should sit at home and beg her husband for money. This means that providing for the family is the husband’s area of ​​responsibility, and the comfort in the family and the birth of children is the wife’s area of ​​responsibility. After all, hard work helps a man become better — more masculine, more successful. The same happens with a woman. She also becomes more masculine, more aggressive, more competitive. She stops being a woman though.

Now ladies will probably start asking: How can we get men to take financial responsibility for their women? — The answer is simple — we can not do that. It is impossible to force a man to do anything at all. However, when selecting a partner, from the very beginning, you can look for red flags. If you see that a man prefers to split the bill on a regular basis when dating you, do not agree to cohabitate or marry him. A man who believes that his woman should be financially independent does not deserve any commitment from her side. I feel that it is also necessary to clarify one more thing. A man is not obliged to pay for a woman, just because he has balls, but she does not. However, if a man is interested in making this woman his potential life partner, he will not feel comfortable letting her carry any financial burdens. Moreover, this man will understand that the maintenance of the female body is much more expensive than the maintenance of the male one. He will acknowledge that when coming on a date, a lady has already invested incomparably more money and time in it than a man. For that reason, to break even, at least, he must pay all the costs associated with their common pastime. This is your litmus test, ladies. Remember to use it correctly.

Here another question might arise. What if a woman wants to build a career? What if she is not at all interested in creating comfort in the house? Well, a family is a set of consensuses and agreements. Perhaps such a woman can find a man who will agree to tolerate it, but any action has consequences. You should always remember that. A man who does not feel like a leader in the family financially very often turns to domestic violence in order to feel like an alpha male, at least physically. Another scenario would be like that: a man who sees that his woman can perfectly cope with the function of a breadwinner on her own — loses interest in doing it himself. After all, men, as you know, will never solve a problem if someone else is already doing it for them.

Some of you might oppose here. What about those couples where both are strong and successful? Of course, such cases exist, just like the cases of plane crash survivors. The question is: are you ready to take a risk knowing that the chances of your situation being a lucky exception are equal to the chances of accidentally winning the lottery (1: 5,000,000 at least, depending on the type of lottery)?

Advice to ladies: if you want to be treated like a woman — protected, cared for, cherished — behave accordingly and stop competing with men financially. Give up the idea that a man can be transformed. Stop thinking that the wedding will immediately change him, and he will start earning a lot of money and showering you with gifts. It will not happen. Choose the person whose qualities are enough for you initially. A man invests most of all in a relationship before the first sex. If before seeing each other naked, he did not give you flowers, did not take you to restaurants and did not buy you gifts, then after your first coitus the chances of getting all those things start vanishing. Naturally, there are exceptions in life, but how often do you win the lottery?

Advice for men: if you want to achieve something in life and be a leader in the family, if you want to have a beautiful, happy woman next to you, you will have to take responsibility for this situation. A woman is an expensive pleasure. Therefore you need to invest a lot of money, attention, and care in her. She needs to be protected and cherished. However — it is worth it. As you know, the wives of presidents and kings do not work at the factory. If you want to have a queen in your house — build a kingdom for her!